just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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