I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
