the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Shitshow foam night was such a success
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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