During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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