So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
then he tried to convert me to islam
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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