bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
