This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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