So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
