Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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