she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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