Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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