yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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