every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
