the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
