he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
