i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
