If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
