Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
