during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
