Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
