if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
