Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Are we still banned from the library?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize