the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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