You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
