dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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