isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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