Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
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