You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
All I want is dick and wine.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
