hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
