what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I love having hate sex.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
did i walk over a car last night?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
