so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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