Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Boobs speak an international language.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
