I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
