Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
