I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
