I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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