my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
