Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
4 words: hood of his car
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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