I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
