You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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