Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
