It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
