Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
cat food counts as protein by the way
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
