I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize