Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
