Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
