He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm just crazy horny about you
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
