Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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