Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
