I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
