TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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