My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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