I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
