We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
