Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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