So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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