Whod you bang
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
