is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
