she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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