i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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