I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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