thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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