I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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