I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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