so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she smelled like a LAN party
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
