Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
