chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I would fuck him just for his dog
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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