Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
