Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
