WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
